It happens.

Why do we do the things we do, even when we don't want to?

More than often, it seems like no matter how hard we try to, we still end up hurting the ones who mean the most to us.

But something I've come to realise is that, sometimes it's just meant to be... We don't learn to treasure what's important to us, unless we realise how much less of us there'll be when it's gone...

so, it happens.

But more than that, the question is :will you then hold onto what's truly important?

Starting Over

Give me one pure and holy passion,
Give me on magnificent obsession,
Give me one glorious ambition for my life,
To know and follow hard after You.

To know and follow hard after You,
To grow as Your disciple in Your truth,
This world is empty, pale and poor,
Compared to knowing You my Lord.

Lead me on and I will run after You,
Lead me on and I will run after You.

Oh God, where on the path did I begin to lose my step?
Where did I lose sight of the goal that was set before me?

It's scary to think how much has changed in just a matter of months and to know that it was my own doing.

It was my own fault. 

I decided that I knew what was best for my life, that I'd be the king of my lil' own kingdom. But in doing so, I cut down the size of my life to living for myself and I failed to see that all that's left was an empty shell of who I was, who You'd have wanted me to be.

And I'm sorry, God.

The warning signs were clear, and yet I plunged on ignoring all of them. I wanted adventure, excitement and control. But all I did was ruin my life and the lives of the people around me.

I hurt more than myself - the people who loved me, my friends, my family and even You.

But God, I know my mistake. I've seen what it is like to live life apart from You and - it's utterly empty. Forgive me God, bring me back close to You.

May You once again be, my one and only Magnificent Obsession. 

The Next Chapter

And so, the story begins.

Unlike any other tale, where there is a definite start and end. For what is there to a story, if there was an end to begin with? What matters, is the people who gave reason to its existence - significance to its birth.

This story begins with a girl called Julianna - her hair the smell of a warm summer's day, eyes radiant as the golden sun and a laugh that sings a thousand songs in your heart. Of what I can remember, Julianna really loved a good pie, one that her mother, Christine, would make every Tuesday. Oh, how she would dance and twirl to the sounds of pots clanging in the kitchen. Her mother would say, "Oh Julianna, Julianna, stop going bananas."

One fine evening, Julianna was sitting on the porch, gazing at the trees as they danced to the tune of the winds. She wondered, how could there be so much life in what was a little willow.

The tree couldn't sing, but yet its magnificent strong trunk sang of beauty unrivalled.
The tree couldn't talk, but yet its withering leaves whispered words, unspoken of a time that was and now longer wasn't.
The tree couldn't cry, but yet its branches reached out into the high heavens, searching for comfort from its Giver of life.

There were so many trees in the neighbourhood, but none like this. Oh no, this tree was different. It spoke life into her little being.

Where Our Search Ends

Dreams. Ambitions. Desires. Aspirations.

We all have them and we allow them to drive the way we live our lives.

It once said by an unknown author, "That human beings need a reason to exist, to live." And hence, we spend half of our lives exploring half-baked ideas, personal interests and even skills we seem to excel at.

At some point of our life, we do find that one or two things that we are really good at and we are so excited, that we pump in all our time, energy, emotions and even resources to hone that skill. We hope to make much use of it before our time is up and we start to lose our capacity to improve.

But most of the times, we tend to give up easily. When we find that we no longer know how more to improve, when we find someone else who has already done it better than us, when we find something else that we'd like to try and we simply move on.

Just as quickly as we had found the passion and the drive, it slips out of us and we find ourselves dry and empty, searching for the next project that will bring us that same high and euphoria of finding WHO WE ARE.

Even as Christians, we sometimes come before God on our knees, begging Him, "Please Lord, grant me my greatest wish. Help me to find something that I enjoy, something that I'm really good at. And once I've found that, could you help me make that my career, my providence, my life."

A friend of mine found a really good material and she photocopied and excerpt for me. It held a passage from the Gospel of Mark 2:1-5.

This is the account of the paralytic man whose friends brought to Jesus in hope of him being healed and it reads:

A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to JEsus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

Isn't it weird, that here there was a man who was paralyzed from head to toe in need of healing and Jesus was all like, "I forgive you." It just didn't make sense on a few levels.

One. Did Jesus misinterpret what the friends and the paralytic was looking for? These brave and loyal friends dug a hole in the roof, lowered a mat with their paralyzed friend down to the feet of Jesus so that he'd be able to walk again, to play soccer with them and to just be normal again. Why did Jesus not get it?

Second. What did the paralyzed man need forgiveness for? There was no previous accounts of the paralytic having met Jesus and doing any wrong to him, so what was up with that?

Third. The teachers of the law were outraged! Who was this Jesus person to say he forgave sins? For they (the teachers) knew that only God could forgive sins!

Right after Jesus had made that statement, he actually presents us the answer, a life-gripping truth from verses 8 - 12 which reads:

Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven," or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins..." He said to the paralytic, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." HE got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"

We know and the paralytic knows, that his deepest wish is to be healed and to be able to walk again. That if he would just be able to walk again, he would never be unhappy again! He would never complain again for the rest of his life and he'd be eternally satisfied. 

But Jesus knew better, that such contentment would never last. Because the discontentment of the human heart goes way deeper than any experience this world could ever offer to quench. Jesus knows, that the heart of the problem and the problem of the heart, is sin that enslaves us and keeps us forever thirsty and hungering for more. 

You see, Jesus could have easily and simply healed the man and let him be on his way. But that was not Jesus' desire, that was not the reason for which he had come to this earth, to just simply be a genie who grants wishes. He came, to be a Savior - one who would free his people from sin and to bring them into an everlasting relationship with himself. He came, to free us from our endless hungering and thirst for the things of this earth, that we may find total satisfaction and fulfillment in Him.

For the deepest need of human beings, is to be forgiven. Forgiven for our ignorance to God, for our disobedience and our insistant reluctantance to acknowledge Him for who He is - The Creator of all things and the One who would one day return to judge for the way we have lived our lives. The only One who can save and the only one who can redeem His people that we might be acceptable in His sight.

And in order for that to happen, this Savior had to die. For there is a penalty for this sin - of not regarding God for who He is and living in total defiance of that truth. And the penalty is heavy because God is no ordinary human being and as the Righteous Judge, He will not allow such treason to go unpunished, "for the wages of sin is death..." Romans 6:23a

But God proved His love for us in this, "...while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

And this then completes the full and beautiful picture of God's saving plan for man in the whole verse of Romans 6:23 which reads, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

The question we have to ask ourselves is, have we come to know this Jesus personally? 

Have we come to grasp with the truth that we are in need of saving from ourselves, from our insatious hunger for self-fulfillment?

Have we come to see what it really means to give our dreams, our brokenness and our lives to our Lord, that He may lead us in the way of eternal life so that we may no longer be stumbling around trying to find our way in this life? 

I pray for us all, that we come to contend with this great truth that God has given to us in His word.

"And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?"

Mark 8:34 - 36

Treasure

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. - Matt 6:21

"To be a Christian means to have located your identity, your worth, your value in Jesus, He has become your treasure." 

~Journey to the Cross~

When the day drew near,

The day the disciples had come to fear.

The Lord set his face on the path,

The road that would be his last.

Although He knew from the start,

That from his Father he would part.

He bore the weight of that cross,

Every step a cry of love and obedience.

O where is our treasure?

He has gone on to the grave

O where is our treasure?

His death he has embraced

O where is our treasure?

A body laid on the stone

O where is our Treasure?

He has risen, with the power that saves!

God and His sense of humour

I don't know if this is brinking on being blasphemous, but I really think God has an awesome sense of humour.

I mean look at the many instances where Jesus let his disciples wet their pants, walking over the water, sleeping through a storm, what a trollolol! Yet He only intends good for them.

In my own life, there were also many times where I felt like God had left me on my own to kinda work it out, and that scared me, that scared me a lot.

Like this dang Uni application thing, it's such a bother! All my poly life, I didn't consider carefully how the decisions I make and the actions I took would affect it. I chose to intentionally ignore it, under the cover, "Let tomorrow worry for itself, for today I will just learn to faithfully do what God has placed before me." Don't get me wrong, I do believe in that statement and I believe firmly in it. Sometimes we just worry to much about everything around us that we end up not doing anything positive at all! But this uni application revealed to me something about myself that I had hidden for a long time, from God (well, I tried), from the people around me and even myself.

I'm a runner. (Well yeah I guess I can run kinda fast)
But not that kind of athlete, I'm a runner in the sense that I like to run away from things that require me to plant my foot down.

The first instance I can remember, is during my first two relationships in Secondary school.
I ran away from those because I was so afraid of getting hurt, of not only letting them down, but letting myself down. I did get back into one of those relationships in the end, and I really thought wow this could be it, this is the one and I'm ready to give my life to her and for her. But yeah u see, this is where God's wonderful sense of humour comes in. He put in me the fear, the fear of failing Him and of disappointing Him and I just couldn't have that. After a talk with one of my best bros, I decided that it was better of to end it. I realised that it was only on hind sight, than was I able to learn my lesson. God pulled me out when I was totally veering off course and when I was totally oblivious to it. But I had to go through the hurt, the hurt of being hurt and of having hurt another to learn my lesson hard and well.

The second instance I can remember is when I was in a CCA in NP. Yeah I was in ultimate frisbee and I was really pretty good, the irony being that I was a really good runner and I could catch the frisbee well (Like a dog la I felt). Because I was able to provide such a value to the team, they allowed me to be on their competition squad and that was a really great honour! I felt proud of myself, because I had never really been part of a sports team and I loved the feeling of being needed! But then slowly as stressed kicked in when school term came full swing, Sundays were the only time I could spend with my church peers and I loved and cherished those moments. Frisbee was talking up almost everyday of the week and now it had begun to intrude on my Sundays cos that's when the competition was. I hated that, I hated that it took away the thing I cherished the most and one day, I just stopped going for the competitions. I didn't even tell anyone, not my competition squad because I just couldn't face them. I gave them the excuse that I had church but nothing else. Slowly but surely, I stopped going for trainings. I could never face my team members after that. When I walked into school, they would be training at the admin field at the school bus stop and I remember always keeping my head down as I felt their eyes burning into the back of my neck.

The third instance I can remember is when I was taking my NAPHA in my final year of poly. Throughout the year, I had been training really hard for my 2.4, doing intervals almost every day and doing strength training every other day. Then came the day and I pretty much went through everything quite smoothly. Finally when 2.4 came, I was pretty confident. But alas, when it was down to my last 2 laps, something in me just felt like giving up. I knew I could push myself, I knew I could run even faster, but I just started slowing down, overwhelmed with a feeling of boredom and a sense of, "Aiyah I know I can do it can liao, no need to prove it." I felt so disappointed after that, seriously!? Running away from running and trying my best? That's just sad.

The fifth instance I can remember, is with all my assignments in NP. I am more than ok to submit work that is passable. The funny thing is, I won't be ok when I don't get a good grade. Like I just want to get it over and done with and what makes me feel ok about it, is that same feeling of "Aiyah, I know I can do it can liao, no need to prove it."

Actually I realise for all this instances, it was always that feeling that made me give less than my best.

In my relationship: Aiyah, I know I can be a good boyfriend, no need to prove it.
In my sports team: Aiyah, I know I am good, no need to prove it.
In my NAPHA test: Aiyah, I know I am fast, no need to prove it.
In my assignments: Aiyah, I know I am capable and intelligent, no need to prove it.

And even now for StageMax: Aiyah, I know I am creative and I am able to manage and lead a team, no need to prove it.

StageMax. StageMax was really the point where God really begun to reveal all these chao kuans to me.
It is just so huge - with so many things to do, so many expectations to manage, and so much time and energy involved...
Like you want me to brainstorm the idea, sure! You want me to help train the drama students, by all means! You want me to take care of people and to remind them about the gospel, by gosh that would be such a privilege.
You want me to lead the team and co-ordinate everything, err..... :/ Can I not?
There were many moments where I prayed, "I hope my NS comes earlier, so that I have a legitimate reason to get out of it, to not see it through to the end."

All this time, I felt I had my life all together, with the confidence being the way God has made me.

“And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: ‘The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God's creation. ¹⁵“‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot!¹⁶ So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.¹⁷ For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. ¹⁸ I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. ¹⁹ Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

- Revelations 3:14 - 19

And now when I am left with so many options with what to do with my life, I am afraid of becoming indecisive, of being lukewarm once more, of committing and of putting my foot down. I know there is no model answer to life that anyone can give me, there's no golden ray of light shining down from heaven to light the way. The comparison is between not only good options, but also good motivations.

For now I have resolved, to just try and to accept the consequences as they come.

I'll try my best for StageMax, where I fail, I fail. 

For what do I have in me? Thinking about all these things... Not very much. 

So what if I am capable?

So what if I am intelligent?

So what if I am athletic?

So what if I am friendly?

If I don't remain consistent and resilient to live these gifts from God out in my life, it means noth...

At the end of the day, all I really have is Christ.

I cling to Him, I lean on Him, I plead with Him, I cry to Him and ask Him to change me.

To help me, to grow me, to mould me and to refine me with fire so that one day, I may come out as a pure gem, one that has been tested by fire and is ready for His use.

All I have is Christ

Verse 1
I once was lost in darkest night 
Yet thought I knew the way 
The sin that promised joy and life 
Had led me to the grave 
I had no hope that You would own 
A rebel to Your will 
And if You had not loved me first 
I would refuse You still 

Verse 2
But as I ran my hell-bound race 
Indifferent to the cost 
You looked upon my helpless state 
And led me to the cross 
And I beheld God’s love displayed 
You suffered in my place 
You bore the wrath reserved for me 
Now all I know is grace 

Chorus 
Hallelujah! All I have is Christ 
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life 

Verse 3
Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone 
And live so all might see 
The strength to follow Your commands 
Could never come from me 
O Father, use my ransomed life 
In any way You choose 
And let my song forever be 
My only boast is You

Repentance is...

Recently, I've just begun a devotional material titled, "The Journey to the Cross". The material was crafted by a church for the purpose of preparing the heart's of the people of God for Good Friday.

I am only into Day 6 of the material and so far, I've come to learn so much about what repentance really is and how it is such an essential part of the Christian life.

When I was young, I used to think that repentance was all about feeling guilty, ashamed of the mess that I have made and feeling all dog gone sorry for myself. I believed that the worse I felt, the better I would become, somehow, well, one way or another. But the problem was, I never finally knew what to do. All the moping and the moaning was just so tiring that after awhile, I learnt to either ignore what I've done or worse still, grow accustomed to it as if it was no big deal.

The problem was that I had a totally wrong idea of what repentance is.

Repentance isn't so much about feeling sorry for yourself,
OR
Beating yourself up over it,
OR
Taking on a mystical drive for self-improvement.

Repentance is, about turning away from that which distracts and entangles and returning to Jesus, with a heart that is wholly devoted to Him and His way.

Sometimes, the hardest of answers come from the simplest of questions:

What does your heart truly desire

and what are you willing to give for it?

Bored

I'm just so bored of life...

Everything just seems to be planned out already, and I'm just going through all of it just because.

The pains, the joys, the bitterness, the happiness, oh everything and it just cycles over again, and again, and again, and again till that supposed timing where God will come back.

Well, since I already kinda figured out life's gonna be like that, why don't you just get to the bringing me home part?

What will it take for me to go home?

When does a person go back home God, when?

Sometimes, I miss who I was...

Reading the posts off my old blog brought back a lot of memories - memories that could bring me immense joy and also those that made me shiver in shame and disappointment.

But man, when I look at all of that in light of what God has done for me, in His grand plan of salvation, man... Am I so so soooo blessed.

For all the hurt and pain I've caused,
For all the right and good that I have done,
For all that the good Lord has used me to accomplished,
I stand back and marvel in awe, speechless.

I thank the Lord for not destroying who I am, but for redeeming me so that I may use whatever He has given me to enjoy Him!

To enjoy His promises, to enjoy His challenges, to enjoy His teachings and to enjoy all that He throws at me in this lifetime.

Thank You God,
For Grace to see and to live in the consciousness of Your reality.
Thank You God,
For assurance and bliss in the grand plan of salvation.
Thank You God,
Just thank you.

We Are Alive

"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit." 1 Peter 3:18


As Christians, it can be so easy to forget the significance of who Jesus is and his ministry on earth. But if our faith is not about wanting to become more and more like Him - in every single way possible, then I believe we should take time to look at the object and the basis of our faith.

Yes, we all have our own personal struggles. You may look at it and go, "Hey! I'm only human! What do you want me to do? Kill all my feelings of emotions, lay aside all my personal rights and hide in a cave and  pray to some God whilst chanting His scriptures out loud?"

Well, no. That's not what being a follower of Jesus demands.

Although, I wouldn't say you are entirely wrong either.

Indeed, being a christian demands a complete and utter surrender to Christ. But that's an incomplete picture.
Rather, being a christian expresses a complete and utter transformation - not of our own, but of a supernatural and divine origin.

Friends

Some friendships, last for awhile.
Some friendships, last for a little longer.
Others, do last a little longer than a lifetime.

What comes to your mind when you think of a friend? For me, I think of a sun-streaked sky, a long stretch of cornfields and an infinite land left unexplored. Waiting. For me and my pals to head off and never turn back.

What comes to your mind when you think of a friend? For me, I think of those short moments on a lazy afternoon, cruising along in a car, headed who knows where.

What comes to your mind when you think of a friend? For me, I think of the people I want to see today, tomorrow and up in heaven when God takes me home.

Will you be there my friend? All I want, is to see my friend again and to shake his hand when we meet face to face.

We all want to be loved by somebody, to matter and to be needed. This is a reality that we can't deny.
Be it to find attention from our parents, connection with our friends or affection from BGRs, we all want to be important to somebody around us.

But what seems harmless, can actually bring more hurt and pain to us when not dealt with sensitively and objectively. Have we paused to ask, to who's expense do we carry on to search for this love among people till we're satisfied?

Don't let your need for love blind your sense of objectivity. Cos sometimes, sorry just aint good enough one's the damage has been done.

Sometimes, we cry to find ourselves. We cry to remember, who we are and how we were made to be.

I don't know why, but at that moment of time, that just seemed like the right thing to do. No, it wasn't about work-stress, neither was it about a girl, but it just felt like something just wasn't right in the world.

Such is the consequence of sin in the world. The corruption and the devastation of a fallen world. When life was meant to be lived fully for, by and with the Creator, we have been taken by our own shame to live for ourselves.

¹⁸ The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness Romans 1:18


Over the past few weeks, while I was serving and playing alongside my fellow brothers and sisters, I felt a silent yet overwhelming sense of joy. It was quiet, that it allowed my soul to rest in its' sweetness and yet, it filled my entire bones and made me quiver with excitement. What was next? What would come? How more will this life bring us time, to experience God's goodness and grace in our lives.


I see it now, the day when my Father returns. The day when all things wrong will be made right and where pain and suffering will be but a thing of the past. The day, where I can look my God in the eyes and not have a care in the world, for I'll be able to love Him fully and unreservedly. 


The day, where I can see my brothers and sisters for eternity, and spend the rest of it worshipping and praising the One who created us all.


I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Luke 15:7

Indeed, we can find love in a seemingly hopeless place, 

for the Hope of eternity has come down to earth.

No longer I, so I no longer fear

Indeed, it is Christ who lives,

In me,

For me.

When I forget that it is He who gives,

Mercy and grace,

To love Him and Him alone,

Love for all others crumbles into oblivion. 

For on my own, what would be my gain? 

To give, give all of myself,

If not only that Christ be made known and glorified. 

Oh Lord, let it be that I should only want,

With my soul, my life, my all,

To ever only desire to please You

And never to find satisfaction in my own comfort.

Never for one moment may I seek to find a quiet solace for my soul alone,

But that my brothers and sisters and all those around may too,

Come to find their everlasting joy in a life lived with You,

By You,

For You and You alone. 

Space

When time freezes over
And the moment is stuck in replay.

What you want to keep stays lodged
In your mind,
But sometimes really what matters is put aside.

Why do we put ourselves through
The trauma, I'll never know.

Yet still in the midst of the pain,
there lies a quiet solace where
Only reliving it once more may
The memories slowly fade away...

What is one event in your life that has changed you as a person?

Life is truly a beautiful work of art. We will never be able to fully appreciate it until the day it is finally completed. From the vast expanse of the skies, to the depths of the deepest oceans, the glory of a sunset sky, to the intricacy of human life itself. Each day, I can but only stand amazed and marvel at how this giant canvas is slowly unraveling itself before me.

Having said that, it can be a terrifying thought, not knowing what lies ahead. Everyday, we are forced to make decisions, be it big or small that could change the course of our fate. But one thing I believe, is that every breath I take, is a gift not to be taken for granted and that with whatever ability and wisdom I’ve been given, I must put it to use for the benefit of others.

As much as I’d like to just sit here and imagine how perfect the world is, such as the case of the colours of a rainbow, I know that there are people out there who are dying, alone, with no comfort or even hope. Though I know that I can’t do everything to help, but truly as the songwriter Josh Wilson puts it, “I refuse to do nothing.”

This desire, to try and live selflessly for others begin one Sunday morning, as I was listening to the band in church playing a famous hymn called ‘It is Well with My Soul’. At the end of the day, the lyrics of the hymn left a deep tugging in my heart to find out the story behind the song. What I found out shook me to the core.

The story goes that Horatio G. Spafford, a Christian lawyer, was about to venture on a missionary trip to Great Britain. Wanting to give his family of four daughters and his wife a short vacation due to the calamities that had befallen them two years before, he arranged for them to travel together to Europe. However, Horatio was delayed due to an urgent business transaction he had to make. Nevertheless, he sent the rest of his family ahead on the S.S. Ville du Havre, planning to follow in a few days time. Alas, the ship carrying Horatio’s family was struck by another vessel and in a matter of minutes, it was lying at the bottom of the sea. A few days later, Horatio simply received two words from his wife, ‘saved alone’, sealing the fate of his four daughters.

What moved me, was that Horatio still went on his trip and as he passed the exact spot where the ship had sunk, he penned down the words of the song, acknowledging his sorrow but yet, holding on firmly to the hope that he was soon to share with the people in Britain.

This is how the first stanza goes:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I wanna be able to stand before God, and hear Him say those words

"With You my child, I'm well pleased."

that's all

that's enough for me

from all the hurt i could've done to people

from all the love I could've stolen from a girl

from all the joys i could've stolen from my friends

He kept me from doing all that

and helped me to love Him and love others

That's enough

The Undeniable Power of Love

I've been contemplating for long, how to share this.
For this is something that has gripped me hard and for long enough a time.
Everytime I think about it, it still rips me apart from the inside and I believe that the only way
to move on, is to accept that it did happen and to recognise that's the first step to coming out a
better man of God, to love Him purely and passionately as well as for my brothers and sisters around me.

Love, we think it all happens in a moment. A flutter of the heart, a weird funny feeling we get in our tummies, sweet melodies that play in our heads all day... And then it begins.

Holding hands, exchanging promises, long hours on the phone and a million more by each other.
How far does it go? How far deep does it go into your heart? Very.
Each and every moment, is magical, each and every touch, is just out of this world.

For one single moment in your life, you suddenly realise you are part of somebody else's and you think to yourself:
"What if this could be and everyday of my life?" "What if?"

And then you begin, what if it doesn't last? What if it ends this very moment? It grips you hard and it
makes you toss and turn all night. You start to think, no, what could I do to make sure it doesn't happen?

Sometimes, when that happens, you realise that the relationship becomes a battle to retain what you love, for yourself.
It is no longer one where you do all things for the other's benefit, selflessly.
It is no longer one where you truly give of all yourself so that another might experience love.
It is no longer one, or maybe, it was never in the first place, one where you grew together in the experience of serving and honouring the Lord joyfully together with all of your lives, encouraging and spurring one another on to loving Him first, and to loving His people together as one.

But then it happens, just as you were coming to terms with the reality of the problem, the gaping hole that would tear any two lives apart in a split second - you enter deeply into another one's soul with one kiss.

You know how they say in movies or in fairytales, the power of a true love's kiss.

I wouldn't say every kiss was out of true love, but I believe the way that God designed a kiss, was truly beyond human control, comprehension and ability.

The design of a kiss.
It joins two lives deeply together in intimacy, a sharing of each other's flesh, a bridge between two souls.
This is a bond that truly is not meant for anything less then a relationship that was built upon God as the center of it, between two that has already become one in marriage.

Because on one hand, it can build you up, for the intertwining of two beings becoming one is a powerful force, especially between two lives that has been groomed and moulded by God for His work. This is when two really is better than one.
Two people who love Christ, who love His people, who wants to make Him known and to continue glorifying Him in the life that He has now given them to live in harmony forever.

On the other, it will tear you apart, for how does one become two again?
One can only become two halves, definitely less than the whole they were once.

That is why, a kiss, a touch, or even a simple word of love, is sacred.
For this is all the beginning of something way beyond man.

So be careful my friends, for you might be entering into realms which you are not prepared for.
May the good Lord continue to guide you into all understand of His truths, that you may live a life as He has intended.

My prayer in this lifetime, for myself, and for any of you who have come to terms with the sovereignty of the Lord is -

That may He keep my heart asleep to love, till the day He pleases. But till that moment, may He take my life, my entire life to doing His will solely by His terms and not mine, to loving all and not just one, equally and unmeasurably, selflessly and compassionately, all who are lost, all who are searching, all who have found, God as their King.

Flowery Language

Like a rose, our lives can seem so fragile...

The first petal - A break up.

The second petal - A fight with your parents.

The third petal - Lost a loved one.

Life begins to lose it's colour,

seems like the end is nearing,

but I've just got to stop and ask the question,

do we stop here or just keep carrying on.

But no, the question needs not be answered, for it's evident to me.

For an unspeakable force sends help from above,

And I find myself moving on, growing stronger day by day.

Tall again I can stand, not by anything that I could have done.

Bright and alive, I'm ready again to meet what the lies ahead!

It's a miracle, one that I just can't understand.

As many questions that are left unanswered, the answers are all out there waiting.

Just a peek out the window, and I can't help but stand amazed -

The wide open sky, 

the white clouds hanging high,

the deep blue ocean,

a baby being born yet another creation.

And there at that moment I know, I just know it

that like a petal, I'm not on my own.

That like stem, I was created for something more than myself,

even though I may not see it at the present time.

Just peering out into the marvel of life's inexplicable phases,

I begin to sense a work that has been spun into action way before time.

The work that was shown to us, on one very Christmas day.