What the Lord gives, let it be used for His glory alone

I've explained it a million times, but I realize that words alone can never show you the heartbeat of what I do. Now, I put it in my mind that I will continue to fight for what I truly treasure, not compromising the truths that God has revealed to me and has convicted me off. If to live means to suffer, let me die so that this suffering might be an indication that I am alive in God alone.

2 Timothy 1:8-10


Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus , who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel


The likes of Jim Elliot and his friends, the Apostles Paul, John and the rest of them, all have gone before me. Indeed when the question was asked, "What is this story you would lay down your life to tell?", what must have went through the minds of these people? Were they super Christians whom God gave more power or wisdom too? Were they but crazy old fools who were living for old traditions that are not practical for the times we are in? No! They were but fellow human beings - they felt pain, they were insulted and mocked at, they were lonely at times, people couldn't understand why they did what they did, no matter how they tried, somehow there seemed as if their work was fruitless and yet, they laboured on.


It is a joke to call myself a Christian, look at this people and but simply put in my minds that what they did were beyond what is expected of me as a Christian at this day and age.

What does it look like then, to truly live as one who treasures God and loves Him with my heart, mind and will?

Even as I venture off into the world of the media, let my walk speak loud and my words be true, that I do not treasure what everyone else considers as important if is not in relation to loving the LORD with my all. Don't get me wrong, as a student, I have put in my mind that I will treat every assignment as a service to God, not just doing my best, but using every opportunity I have as an experience to grow closer to Him.

Oh how can I show you, that my ministry is not a blind phase loyalty to an organisation, but to the God whom loved me so that He opened my eyes to truly see that there is so much to this life than worrying about which internship I'll get or whether I'll get into a good university.

If I were to die this day, would I come before the Father merely saying, "I have been a good and faithful student, I completed all my assignments on time, I exhausted all my time and energy into producing a work that is pleasing unto Your name, blessed be that I have written an essay that has gotten me a perfect GPA score."

What good is my GPA score if it is not in worship and service to the God who loves me? What good is it, that I gain the whole world, but lose my soul to eternal condemnation?

But still, it is painful that people can live for every other reason and people will applaud you, everything else matters, travelling the world, getting experience, making good contacts, having more money, not having to spend that money, everything else is so much important then coming back to the Father and taking a step closer to Him each new day? IT IS SICK! It just makes me feel nauseous, like I just want to lie on the ground, it's an feeling I cannot even begin to describe. I'm not even trying to hold my tears back, because I am just so disgusted, that my tears demand to be held in, they are screaming not to be let out for such a ridiculous way of living as if you're no better than the ones who treat Jesus like His an optional character where if you are good, well then that's a bonus. Rubbish. I will live for nothing less than for what God is doing with the life He has given me.

Let me stand firm in my conviction that truly, the gospel is sufficient to live life truly as it is meant to be and because of that, I'll continue to live my life for God alone be it whether you look down on me, be it whether you think I'm a fool, be it whether you see me as stubborn, for I serve one master alone and that is God above who has saved me not for condemnation, but for a life where my joy is found in Him alone because of His saving grace, and the faith in which I can now live, alive.

With each passing day... I realise that there really is but only one way to live our lives...
It's not that it comes as a suprise, but it is still amazing none the less...
To know and love and amazing God
What more could anyone ask for?
That Christ is the guarantor and the guarantee of our faith
What can I do, but respond in trust and obedience...
Each moment, Each passing moment, Each passing vibrant moment
You have brought me a reason, to find joy in Your fullness....

All Because Of Jesus I'm Truly Alive and Free

The power of the Gospel
So far beyond comprehension
That even the apostles
Died with full satisfaction

Oh how can I stand and not say
That You are all that I ever need
For every passing day
I remember Your sovereign creed

That You died a death which took away
Not only wrath but for us to live
In seeking Your will through only Your way
For all I have is but what You give

Tasted of Your word so freely given
I'll testify Your love in every season
Not by words or work alone
But in faith Your life to atone

Matthew 6:25-34

I was thinking of what to say, how to encourage a fellow mate in Christ but yet... I felt so paralyzed, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to say it but one thing was for sure,
I didn't want to say something that I couldn't believe in.
But as I prayed, God reveled to me this passage and I realised, that all I could do was to let you read it for yourself and pray that God will minister to you through His word! To trust that God's words are sufficient enough for us to live our lives faithfully....

Haha, I was quite pleased when I realised that my BS contact actually read my blog! Now I feel a stronger need to share the many lessons I've learnt with him/them here as well! I pray that God will continue to help me to be a friend.. no a brother to them, walking alongside with them, not any higher, not any lower, but just as they are - A man of God, redeemed through the blood of Christ.

Even as I continued to read on the MRT, my mind wandered off so easily, but Your word sustained me.
Recently, I had been feeling rather discouraged that I really did not know many things about You. But this passage really encouraged me -

John 3:25-36

    Now a discussion arose between some of John's disciples and a Jew over purification. And they came to John and said to him,"Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness -look, he is baptizing, and all are going to him." (At this point of time I was thinking [Jokingly of course {So cool, a thought within a thought |Inception?!|}]jealous much?!) John answered (Dum dum dum!~), "A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, 'I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.' The one who has the bride is the bridegroom, The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease." He who comes from above is above all. He who is of the earth belongs to the earth and speaks in an earthly way. He who comes from heaven is above all. He bears witness to what he has seen and heard, yet no one receives his testimony. Whoever receives his testimony sets his seal to this, that God is true. For he whom God has sent utters the words of God, for he gives the spirit without measure. The Father loves the Son and has given all things into his hand. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.


Well, that pretty much sums up my pointless, well actually not pointless, but emo-encouraging questions!
But the key here is not to just say hey I won't understand everything, so it's time to DIE! Rather, trust in all that God continues to reveal so graciously through people and through His word, relying on His wisdom to truly live.

One thing I would like to encourage everyone to do, is to continue to share the gospel. For if we truly have been convicted of what we have heard which is of God, let us trust that His word will speak to His people, but we, might so just be the channel through which God uses to bring His word to them! :)

Servants of the Gospel

I fear going back to school... I don't want to go back.
Why?
I... Don't want to lose myself... It's so easy to just caught up in all the different things in life and forget... Forget God.
I know I am to honour God in my life, my whole life, with all I am, with who I am, with what I say and even with what I do. That I continue to be His light that shines for man to see His glory, that even as I undertake projects and group work, I'll continue to share His love with the people around me. But, it just seems so hard... So hard to do the things I want to do, to only live my life for Him. But living my life for Him I know, is not just hiding behind doing Christian things for Christian people. That's not how God created us to live. He created us, to recognise that there indeed, is more to this life, in life itself. I am not of the world but yet, I am still in the world.

Oh Father, oh God,


Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole
With my eyes on you
Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me,
Holding onto You

Freedom comes
When I call You Lord
You are Lord my God

You are the centre of it all,
The universe declares in awe
Your majesty
I surrender all
I make you
The centre of my life
Lord, I respond with all I am
you placed in me the song
Of heavens melody
Your Majesty
I live to sing Your song

I have found Your peace
It replaces any fear
You have done it all
I can trust in you
So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding onto you

This is your song not mine
It is your song that bring healing to this land
This is your song not mine
It is your song that brings feedom
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
You are Lord, my God
You are the song
You are the majesty
I live to sing your song
Your majesty
I live to sing Your song 

No, we were rescued from sin in order that we might see and savor the glory of God.
This is the ultimately loving aim of Christ's death. He did not die to make much of us, but to free us to enjoy making much of God forever.
The knot that ties these together is the truth that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. Jesus Christ died and rose again to forgive the treason of our souls, which have turned from savoring God to savoring self. In the cross of Christ, God rescues us from the house of mirrors and leads us out to the mountains and canyons of his majesty. Nothing satisfies us – or magnifies him – more.

What if you suddenly realise, that no matter how hard you try, you just can't reach the standard?

What if you suddenly realise, that no matter what you do, it still counts as inadequate?

What if you suddenly realise, that no matter how you do it, it still turns out insufficient?

Many times, I feel like giving up. Why God, why? 

Why is it so hard to truly and completely love You? Why is it so hard, to please You in the things I do? Why is it that no matter what I do, I never seem to be able to reach Your standard, or even come close to doing so? Why is my mind filled with so many vile thoughts of contempt,
thoughts that hurt,
thoughts that punish,
thoughts that lie,
thoughts that deny.

Why, when You are so big, do I look upon You so insignificantly...

Why, when You are the author of all, do I turn my face away from my Creator?

Take my life, and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to thee;
take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move
at the impulse of thy love;
take my feet, and let them be
swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing
always, only, for my King;
take my lips, and let them be
filled with messages from thee.

Take my silver and my gold,
not a mite would I withhold;
take my intellect, and use
every power as thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it thine;
it shall be no longer mine.
take my heart, it is thine own;
it shall be thy royal throne.

Take my love; my Lord, I pour
at thy feet its treasure store;
take my self, and I will be
ever, only, all for thee.

Indeed my Lord, my God, take my life, my whole life and use it solely for Your Kingdom.

Take my will, take my heart, take my all, that I may never stray from Your Courts.

Let me be thy servant, ready to do Your will, ready to trust, ready to obey.

Let me be thy child, that I may follow You, that I may never forget You.

Do you truly know what points you are trying to make? What are you trying to say?

No. No I don't... I'm, confused. I don't know what I know... Is what I know what I should know?

What exactly is Love? What is wrong with loving ourselves?  Why have You chosen me?

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

What does this mean? What EXACTLY does this mean? How does knowing this impact and change my life? That Christ died for us, when we were dead. Dead, no ability to live, no ability to seek, no ability to love, no ability to breathe, no ability to sing, no ability to play soccer, no ability to laugh, no ability to cry, no ability to smile, no ability to say hello, no ability to hug, no ability to live for what I was created for.

Sometimes, I just get so paralyzed in my own fear... Fear that I will never live up to somebody else's expectation... Fear that I'm not living life the way God intended for me... Fear that I'm not able to move in the right direction... Fear that I am not able to understand the things I should understand...

I used to think that, I've been a Christian for so many years but yet... Why am I still so inadequate? Even now, after going through so many bible study sessions, supervisions, scoldings, corrections, sermons, holding various responsibilities... Why do I fail so much in comparison?

 Isaiah 6:5 Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the king, the LORD of hosts!

Isaiah 6:3 And one called to another and said: "Holy, holy,holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!'

Oh God, let me always remember that it is You who enable me to live, to truly live. For having to live apart from You, is not living at all.... Living a life that is separate from Your will, is not worth living at all... You gave us an eternal life, to truly know and love an amazing God.

How amazing? 

That I may take a lifetime to discover

How awesome?

I would have to search beyond the deepest oceans to uncover

But one thing I know for sure, that You are my God and that You will never leave me and I know Your word is true.

He gave us all
He had to give

So that we could truly be free

Free from the punishment, the torment of being eternally separated from God, everything that is good, true and beautiful. To live an unwasted life, to truly respond in but only trust and obedience in all that You are and all that You have done.

Well, randomly realizing that I would be receiving my 1st sem's GPA today yesterday, I finally received the results this morning. At first, when I got my results, I was like "eh well, it's not too bad, at least I passed" and with that, I let the matter rest. But later that day, my father approached me and when I told him the results, I could see the disappointment in his face and in the tone of which he responded to me. "It is not your best". I just grabbed my headphones and left the house.

I spent the next couple of hours thinking, why? Why had i gotten so 'bo-chap' about my results? And as i begin to reflect on my attitude in school, I realised that a lot of my friends had felt the same way about me, that I was very 'relac' when it came to doing work and getting results.

Over the years, I had built in me this idea, that the best tactic to not boast or be proud in my achievements, were to treat them as if they were part and parcel of investment and divine returns - You put in your best effort and whatever results you get is what God has planned for you. In my mind, i recognised that really there was no way I could control whatever results I would get, but as long as I was blameless through the process and I put in my all, I should just accept whatever I get with a grateful and joyful heart. But somehow, that wasn't the case. I wasn't joyful or grateful at all even though I claimed to be! I was simply just not caring! It pained me when i realised that when I had been trying to be a good Christian testimony to my friends, I had actually been portraying a very 'slack-ish and couldn't-care-less' attitude to my friends. I thought that just by treating as if results was not such a big deal, I would be able to create a community where people fought less, resorting to means and ways in order to get more, even if it compromises who they are as a person - what they value, what they believe in or worse, just ruining all of what they once held dear.

I've seen how people really do very selfish things in order to get the best for themselves and I began to question, in how the world has portrayed what success looks like, how could I blame them? But it really hurts me to see, 'friends' climbing over each other -  throwing their whole lives away just to fight for something that at the end of the day, will count as nothing before the throne of God.

But, the true question to ask ourselves is, what do we truly treasure? As Christians, do we show in our lives, that our ultimate treasure is indeed God? If so, then why are we not living our lives different from our friends - in the things we hope for, the way we groan and complain hopelessly when we don't get what we want. I think many of us can sit here and say, well I don't do that. But how many times, have we carelessly said things or expressed things in a way that has proven otherwise?

Friends, my prayer is that we really think carefully about not just how we can improve to do better, for indeed, there is value in that. However, I earnestly hope, that in our lives, we truly reflect that Christ is the motivation and the reason for which we toil as students, for God has placed us in Singapore for a reason. It is not by chance that our government puts so much pressure on us to study hard, or that it is a dog-eat-dog society, or that many times, we don't get the results that we think we truly deserve. Let our hope be in the glory of God being revealed to men through us, but merely loving channels by which God's divine resources reach His people.

Mat 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.