Well, randomly realizing that I would be receiving my 1st sem's GPA today yesterday, I finally received the results this morning. At first, when I got my results, I was like "eh well, it's not too bad, at least I passed" and with that, I let the matter rest. But later that day, my father approached me and when I told him the results, I could see the disappointment in his face and in the tone of which he responded to me. "It is not your best". I just grabbed my headphones and left the house.
I spent the next couple of hours thinking, why? Why had i gotten so 'bo-chap' about my results? And as i begin to reflect on my attitude in school, I realised that a lot of my friends had felt the same way about me, that I was very 'relac' when it came to doing work and getting results.
Over the years, I had built in me this idea, that the best tactic to not boast or be proud in my achievements, were to treat them as if they were part and parcel of investment and divine returns - You put in your best effort and whatever results you get is what God has planned for you. In my mind, i recognised that really there was no way I could control whatever results I would get, but as long as I was blameless through the process and I put in my all, I should just accept whatever I get with a grateful and joyful heart. But somehow, that wasn't the case. I wasn't joyful or grateful at all even though I claimed to be! I was simply just not caring! It pained me when i realised that when I had been trying to be a good Christian testimony to my friends, I had actually been portraying a very 'slack-ish and couldn't-care-less' attitude to my friends. I thought that just by treating as if results was not such a big deal, I would be able to create a community where people fought less, resorting to means and ways in order to get more, even if it compromises who they are as a person - what they value, what they believe in or worse, just ruining all of what they once held dear.
I've seen how people really do very selfish things in order to get the best for themselves and I began to question, in how the world has portrayed what success looks like, how could I blame them? But it really hurts me to see, 'friends' climbing over each other - throwing their whole lives away just to fight for something that at the end of the day, will count as nothing before the throne of God.
But, the true question to ask ourselves is, what do we truly treasure? As Christians, do we show in our lives, that our ultimate treasure is indeed God? If so, then why are we not living our lives different from our friends - in the things we hope for, the way we groan and complain hopelessly when we don't get what we want. I think many of us can sit here and say, well I don't do that. But how many times, have we carelessly said things or expressed things in a way that has proven otherwise?
Friends, my prayer is that we really think carefully about not just how we can improve to do better, for indeed, there is value in that. However, I earnestly hope, that in our lives, we truly reflect that Christ is the motivation and the reason for which we toil as students, for God has placed us in Singapore for a reason. It is not by chance that our government puts so much pressure on us to study hard, or that it is a dog-eat-dog society, or that many times, we don't get the results that we think we truly deserve. Let our hope be in the glory of God being revealed to men through us, but merely loving channels by which God's divine resources reach His people.
Mat 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
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